Reasons
by Fractured Dreams
Summary: There's no hiding from the truth..... Sequal to Losing Balance. Genma x Raidou. Second part of the Unravelled series


**Disclaimer:**_ Don't own the world, the concepts, the characters, the names, nothing. Poor me. But I own the storyline! Yup!_

**Warnings: **_Shounen ai (slight), some swearing and angst (surprise surprise). Enjoy!_

**Pairings: **_Slight Genma x Raidou and Kotetsu x Izumo_

_**Sequal to Losing Balance**  
_

_

* * *

_

_**Reasons**_

The mission had been a success, after a fashion. Genma had snuck in to enemy territory (so clichéd) , memorized the information from the scroll, and had gotten away without anyone even knowing he was there. All he'd needed to do was return to Konoha and make his report.

The problem was, he'd been captured halfway home. Apparently Konoha hadn't been the only village that wanted that information. It _was _an S-class mission, after all.

They'd tortured him until he'd pass out. Then they'd douse him in freezing water until he woke up and they'd start all over again.

Genma hadn't spoken a word.

After three days, he'd had enough. Somehow, from somewhere, he'd mustered enough strength to come up with a plan and take his torturers by surprise (he'd never found out who they were despite his best efforts). After killing all four, he'd managed to get away as quickly as humanely possible (considering he'd just been tortured half to death.)

Pain, blood loss and god knew what else made him clumsy. He'd tripped and stumbled and at one point had fallen off of a small cliff until the gates of Konoha had come into sight. Now that he thought about it clearly, he must have crawled most of his way, or dragged himself from tree branch to tree branch using only his arms. He couldn't really remember all that clearly any way.

He'd turned up at Izumo and Kotetsu's (he cringed when he imagine what he must have looked like) but after that his memory failed him completely.

They'd told him he'd been delusional by then.

They'd told him a great many things since he'd woken up from his coma. Most of it had gone in one ear and out the other. It had all been medical mumbo jumbo anyway. Damn medical nin. Thought that because they knew everything about the human body, everyone else did too.

Genma was bored. And tired, and in a considerable amount of physical and emotional pain.

He'd woken up two days ago with a pounding head ache. Skull fractured, they said.

Most of the bones in his legs were either fractured or broken. Several organs had ruptured. All of his fingers were broken, both his shoulders dislocated and he had several nasty burns and lacerations. Along with the spinal injury of course, he was a right mess.

Apparently, he wouldn't be a shinobi for awhile. In fact, they said his odds of walking let alone fighting were slim.

Damn medic-nin.

Genma scowled up at the white ceiling, concentrating on the quiet whirring and beeping of the various machines he was hooked up to. He had needles stuck in his arm – he was _not _a pin cushion, thank you very much- which were rather uncomfortable. One was feeding him some sort of mush, another blood, and another medicine of some kind.

He was _hungry._

But he couldn't have real food, oh no. Something about damaged stomach lining. Who the fuck cared? A shinobi couldn't live off liquidized food! He needed _real _food. Something he could chew, preferably. Something that would fill his stomach…

"Hey."

Genma turned his head carefully; his neck was rather sore, thanks to several nasty falls. He managed a feeble grin, being careful not to crab the scabs on his split lips.

"Hey."

Was that his voice? That feeble, hoarse, pathetic voice?

"How're you feeling?" Kotetsu asked, sitting in one of the vacant chairs beside his bed.

He would have shrugged, except moving his shoulders the tiniest bit resulted in excruciating pain, so he settled for grunting instead.

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse."

"We almost lost you there, Genma. It was a close thing." Kotetsu said quietly.

"Yeah, well…unfortunately for you, I'll be hanging around for awhile longer." Genma managed. His throat was sore and parched.

"What do the medics say?"

"That my chances of being a shinobi again are slim." Genma said dully as he stared at the ceiling blankly.

"Shit."

"Yeah. It's my legs. They don't think they'll heal very well."

Great. Now he was depressed. And angry. The harsh realities of the shinobi lifestyle bite hard. After all, a weak shinobi was a dead shinobi. Only the strongest survived.

'_Oh how they mighty have fallen, eh?' _ a snide voice whispered at the back of his mind.

"It's not that bad. We'll figure out something. You'll be back on your feet in no time." Kotetsu tried to reassure him, but failed miserably. His words fell flat on the floor.

"Not likely." He snorted darkly. Or tried to, at least. He couldn't really pull it off in that pussy-assed voice he was currently stuck with. After a moment of tense silence, Genma finally plucked up the courage to ask the question which had been lurking in the back of his mind for some time now.

"How's Raidou?"

Kotetsu studied him with a slightly sadden look on his face which told Genma all he needed to know.

"He's doing okay."

"Tell me the truth, Kotetsu. I know when you're lying."

His friend of many years sighed and ruffled his hair. "He's a complete wreck. Not eating well, not sleeping. He feels guilty I think. Anyway, Izumo's with him now. He's been looking after him. Or trying to."

Genma was shocked at his words, and was suddenly desperate to seem him, to reassure him that it was all okay. Yet a part of him didn't want to. Not after all the hurt there was between them. He was still burning from those words.

But he didn't want Raidou to suffer either. Not because of him; it wasn't right.

"Bring him to me. Let me talk to him."

Kotetsu shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea. It wouldn't do either of you any good. Maybe when you're a bit better…"

"No. I want to see him. Just for a few minutes. It doesn't have to be for long, just let me see him. Just let me see him. Please, Tetsu." Genma asked.

He wasn't one used to begging for what he wanted. In fact, before, he'd flat out refused to do such thing, for he thought it made him look like some sort of needy dog. But things were different now, and if it were for Raidou….

"I don't think…"

"_Please, _Tetsu…" Genma tried to sit up, to reach out to him, but fiery pain overtook him at his slightest movement, and he screamed. Kotetsu was at his side in a moment, holding him down firmly and yelling for the medics.

"Fuck…" Genma moaned, biting his lip as he tried to over come the pain. His body started to convulse, and he screamed again as the pain hit him.

The world spun away and he was met with darkness once more…..

/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\

_The pain had faded away for the time being, and he was floating on a sea of white. For once, he was warm and filled with a pleasant tingling sensation. Safe…_

_The clearing where he torture session were taking place had faded away. It was all white…_

'_Like snow,' he thought, and he smiled at the novelty of it all._

_Something was blurring into view in front of his face. Rippling like reflection on water._

_The rippling turned into a face, and Genma saw an angel. An imperfect, but still beautiful angel._

_Raidou…_

_The angel smiled, and it was the most vibrant, colourful thing he had ever seen._

_Beautiful…_

_/\\\\\/\/\/\/\/\\ _

Genma opened his eyes groggily, and was face with that same, boring ceiling again.

Groaning slightly, he gradually became away of his surroundings.

Oxygen mask on his face, blankets on his lower half, bandages, wrapped firmly around the areas which hurt (most of his body, in fact.) The same machines. The same room.

Except Raidou was sitting in a chair, watching him.

"Raidou?" he asked, frowning. Was this just another illusion or was it real?

Genma tried to lift his arms to remove the oxygen mask, but found that something was stopping him.

"They had to restrain you. You've been having fits for the past week. They put you into a chemically induced coma, because they didn't want to risk causing more damage." Raidou explained softly as he leaned forward slightly.

Raidou looked unhealthy. His skin was pale, and he was looking skinnier than he remembered. His hair lacked its usual shine, and there were black circles under his eyes. Raidou's eyes themselves were…haunted. Sad, haunted and dull with exhaustion.

"Get you get rid of this mask for me?" he asked hoarsely.

Raidou seemed unsure.

"Please…its okay. I can breathe fine."

Raidou stood up and carefully lowered the mask. He was bent over Genma's face, and he took the opportunity to study the man in closer detail. He looked horrible, but to Genma, he was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

"Better?" Raidou aked, carefully avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah. Thanks."

Raidou quickly sat back down and stared at his hands lying in his lap. Genma had never seen him so down before, and it scared him. Where had the smiling and laughing Raidou he loved gone? Genma wanted him back.

"You shouldn't feel guilty, you know." He said, choosing his words carefully and watching as Raidou's head shot up.

"It wasn't you who chose that mission, or accepted it. It wasn't you who made that decision, it was me. So don't blame yourself for my mistakes."

"But I was the reason, wasn't I? I was the one who hurt you, the one who drove you into accepting such hard missions."

"You were." Genma said, and Raidou squeezed his eyes shut, as if in pain. "But it was still my decision, no matter what the reason was, and I made it."

Raidou held his head in his hands. "I shouldn't have said those things. You were my best friend. You didn't deserve that." He whispered his voice thick with misery and suppressed tears.

Genma's gaze returned to that boring ceiling once more, and he smiled slightly.

"I probably shouldn't have told you in the first place. We wouldn't be in this mess now if I'd kept my mouth shut. And I would still have a best friend." Genma murmured.

Raidou said nothing. He just sat with his face hidden in his hands, and Genma just lay there. Aching for his best friend, and feeling empty. He longed to be whole again, but the only way for that to happen was to have Raidou. And that wasn't likely to happen, if the current situation was anything to go by.

"You shocked me. You just turned up, looking exhausted from you mission and ypu just sprung that on me. Everything was going fine, my life was just fine, and then you up and throw that confusion in my face."

"I did it on impulse. Besides, I would've thought that since we were best friends, we could talk about anything, no matter how sensitive." Genma replied, feeling defensive and longing to lash out and hurt him the way he was hurt.

After a few moments silence, Genma sighed. He was beginning to feel nauseous, from both nerves and whatever drugs they were feeding him.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Perhaps it'd be best if you left. You don't need to burden yourself with my mistakes. Besides, you look tired. So just…forget this whole thing and get some rest."

Finally, Raidou raised his head and looked at him intently.

"Is that what you want? For me to just forget everything that's happened?"

Genma met his gaze, and lost himself in those dark eyes. There was no hiding from the truth; he knew it and Raidou knew it Things wouldn't be the same, even if they tried to forget. All he could feel now was that loneliness, and that love, which had consumed him whole. He wanted his best friend back; he wanted Raidou. He wanted anything he had to offer. He'd lap it up like a love starved puppy. He didn't care.

But he didn't want to lose Raidou.

Eventually, he tore his gaze away and turned his head, unable to face him anymore.

"No," he whispered. "No, it's not."

The tears were hot on his cheeks. Genma was slightly surprised and furious with himself. He couldn't remember crying, not since he was a kid anyway.

He didn't want to cry. But he couldn't stop. It hurt; his body was a maelstrom of pain (both emotional and physical) as his body shuddered with silent sobs. But he couldn't stop. Not even if he wanted to; not for the world.

Genma felt a hand on his head, but he still couldn't bring himself to look. The bed sank as Raidou sat on the edge, and he stroked his hair slowly as he pressed his face into Genma's neck.

"I hurt you so badly. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry." He whispered, his warm breath tickling Genma's skin softly.

"I'm so sorry, Genma."

Those were the last words spoken for a long time. They stayed in that position for what seemed like hours. It could've only been ten minutes, for all Genma knew. He'd never had a head for guessing time.

Eventually, his silent tears stopped and he regained control of himself. Raidou sat up slowly after a few more minutes, and Genma found himself missing his warmth. He had wanted to hold him, but with his arms secured to the bed, he hadn't been able to.

Raidou gently wiped away his drying tears, and straightened his crumpled blankets.

"I need some more time to think, Genma. But I want to try being friends again."

Genma felt suddenly cold. So that was it. There was no hope that they'd ever be together. He should've known better than to hope for such a thing.

Raidou must have seen this on his face, because he turned Genma's face towards him with gentle fingers.

"I'm not rejecting you Genma. We could be….more than friends, but I'm not sure what I want yet, and I don't want to hurt you even more than I already have. I know it's unfair of me to leave you hanging like this but…"

"I'll wait. I'll wait for as long as you need, I don't care. Whatever you need," he intereupted.

Raidou blushed slightly.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, he reflected. So maybe he wouldn't have Raidou that way. But that didn't mean he didn't care. They'd still be friends- Raidou couldn't deny that. And he could make sure that Raidou with the person he wanted. Even if it wasn't him, he could do that. They'd still be close.

Genma managed to smile a shadow of his old smile.

"Thank you. I don't deserve this second chance." Raidou said quietly. "But thank you."

"Raidou, best friends or not, you know I'd do anything for you. So stop already. We both made mistakes. Let's forget about it, okay?"

Raidou smiled at him, and it was like the sun coming out after the rains.

"Just…promise me you'll start looking after yourself. Don't beat yourself up anymore." Genma told him, still worried over Raidou's state.

Raidou laughed. "You're like this and you're worried about me? So typical."

He grew serious once more. "Get better, Genma. I want to see you healthy again. I'll do anything you need me to, just…get well."

And he would. If only to see that smile once more…

"I gotta go. I'll come see you again soon, okay?"

"Okay. And Raidou?"

"Yeah?"

"I dreamed of you. The thought of you kept me going when I thought they were going to…"

Raidou cut him off by leaning over and kissing an unbruised part of his cheek softly.

"I'm glad."

* * *

Sigh The end of another one-shot. Although I think this whole Genma x Raidou thing is turning into a mini series thingy. 

Anyways, hope you enjoyed it. Written for all those reviewers who wanted to know what happened to Genma in the last one! Thanks for your reviews! Hope you enjoyed this one just as much!


End file.
